The Origins Of Shame

Excerpt: The Origins Of Shame - More Than Your Past Session 1

Course: More Than Your Past - Shedding Shame & Guilt

Speakers: Benji Horning, Matthias Barker

The Cultural Roots of Shame: Questioning the Narratives That Bind Us

One of the fascinating aspects of shame is how deeply it’s shaped by the culture surrounding us. Culture, a powerful yet ever-evolving force, dictates what is deemed acceptable and what brings about feelings of inadequacy. What triggered shame in our younger years might differ significantly from what evokes it now.

This understanding invites us to ask a crucial question: not just “What am I ashamed of?” but “Why?”. What cultural narrative am I internalizing that suggests something about me needs to be hidden or is inherently broken?

Think back to the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve’s act of covering themselves was rooted in shame. God’s subsequent question, “Who told you you were naked?”, resonates with our experience. Who has told us to feel shameful in certain moments? We often grant immense power to cultural narratives, allowing them to define our perception of ourselves.

However, recognizing the origin of shame begins to diminish its hold on us. We can start to question and lessen the power of these cultural narratives about who we are. This creates space to truly hear what God says about us. Perhaps the very aspects we’ve worked so hard to conceal are the places where God desires to bring the greatest redemption and ministry.

The Shame-Aspiration Gap: Tracing the Roots of Our Standards

If shame arises from the gap between our current selves and our aspirations – the dreams and qualities we feel we’re falling short of – a helpful starting point is to explore the origins of those aspirations.

Ask yourself: When did this particular standard become important to me? What did I learn about how to deal with the feeling of shame when I didn’t meet this standard?

For some, the learned response to shame is to relentlessly push harder, to berate themselves until they perform at the desired level. Phrases like “man up,” “toughen up,” or “suck it up” might echo in their minds. Others learn to avoid shame entirely, trying to push it out of sight and out of mind.

Reflect on your upbringing: What did you observe your parents, mentors, or role models do when they experienced shame? What events or constellations of experiences solidified these points of aspiration within you?

By examining the architecture of both our shame and our aspirations, we can move closer to understanding the underlying dynamics of this struggle. This illumination can then guide us towards what we truly need to heal those deep-seated wounds.

If you like the content, you can continue in a few different ways…

See the outline below and check out other sections from the More Than Your Past course.

Take the full small group course to your church community! The first course your church runs is free! Reach out to us here to learn how.

Connect with a Share The Struggle Coach for one-on-one support. Let’s face it, some of us have tried kicking this thing, and we’ve had no luck. It’s time to start looking toward forms of support that can help us see and feel the beautiful life God has in store for us.

Session 1

Video: You are Welcome Here

Video: Understanding Shame

Topics: Understanding Shame; Communities

Session 2

Video: The Origins of Shame

Video: Shame and Trauma

Topics: Managing Shame, Beliefs, and Expectations

Session 3

Video: How Shame Affects Us

Video: How We Heal

Topics: Isolation; Fight/Flight/Freeze; Vulnerability

Session 4

Video: Relationship with God

Topics: Jesus’ shame; Receiving God’s Love

Session 5

Video: Relationship with Self

Topics: Developing Your Story/Fear and Lies

Session 6

Video: Relationship with Others

Video: Redeeming Shame

Topics: Sharing Your Story; Listening Triad; Helping Others Overcome

Share the Struggle Courses are topical expert led video courses to help you understand life’s greatest struggles and provide you with tools for navigating them. Moreover, STS courses create a space for you to connect with others struggling with similar things, experience belonging, and encounter God’s nearness in a place of wilderness in your life (pain, confusion, healing journey). Want to start a group at your church? Reach out to us here to learn how.

Here at Share The Struggle we believe Jesus is present with us in the middle of our pain and mess, and it is in that place that we often experience and encounter Jesus most deeply.

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